October 27, 2024, by Bert Cohen
I have noticed for some time that (potential) clients are not only unhappy in their work, but that there is often something going on in their relationship or with (one of) their children. Strange? No, not really. There is only one connecting factor between all these areas of life: themselves. This not only means that they are the most affected by it, but also that they themselves probably have the greatest influence on the situation. Provided they are willing to do something about themselves.
Impact
From my own experience, I know how closely these three areas of life (sometimes expanded with 'close family' and 'best friends') are connected to my overall well-being. When things aren't going so well in my practice, with my partner, or with my 'sweethearts', I feel it immediately. In my mood, in my attention to and focus on other important activities, and in my sensitivity to stress. But fortunately, it also works the other way around. When things are going well in all these areas, I 'fly' and can handle much more. Work, partner and children, therefore, especially in their interaction, have quite an impact on my entire system.
Interdependence
That is why it is also important to realize that these three most important areas of life (and here you can sometimes add 'close family' and 'best friends', depending on the situation) strongly influence each other. Not only directly: if you have a good relationship with your life partner, that often helps in the contact with your children. And if you are happy in your work, your children will probably find you a more interesting role model. In whatever phase of their life... But also indirectly, through you. If you feel better about yourself due to a success in one area, you are more positive and also have more self-confidence in another. So it makes sense not to look at these areas of life in isolation, but holistically.
Cross-learning
But perhaps the greatest gain comes from the opportunity this also offers to learn crosswise, maneuvering through these areas of life. Where you learn something in one area that you use in another. For example, if you learn to let go of things more in your work, you may find it easier with your children, or vice versa. And because practicing something works best when the pressure is not so high - you first practice a penalty kick in a closed training session and not in front of a full stadium - you can also practice certain behavior more easily in one area of life in order to use it in another (where the pressure is higher). Which makes you learn faster.
Your influence
So far so good. But now turn this around: does the fact that you are not so happy in several of these important areas of life mean that this all has something to do with you? With how you feel right now or with how you have been dealing with situations, people, feelings and/or thoughts that you find difficult for a very long time. And which then sometimes manifests itself in several areas at the same time. Hmmm, that feels less comfortable, doesn't it?
So what do you want?
That's right, and it is! But if you are willing to face your impact on even the most difficult situations in your life. Even if you don't know what to do for a while and if it might be tempting to throw in the towel or leave it to the specialists. AND if you are willing to work on yourself, because that's usually where it starts, unfortunately. In the meantime, I know from my own experience and that with my clients what can happen and how nice that is. And of course I also use that experience in my work... with you?
